Last weekend it was Blogtacular, and it was fantastic, everything I had hoped it would be. I got home, tired, with loads of home stuff to catch up on, not least because of so much time in London the week before, and before I knew it I was packing my bags again for another three days away.
I picked up an email on Monday night, which made me stop. We are in the midst of a restructure at work, which has been underway for at least 18 months now. The email confirmed that by Christmas I’ll know whether I’ll have a job, for the restructure has now reached my tier.
It’s caused me to pause, for heavily implied in this is how well we welcome change.
And for the first time I found cynicism reaching me. I have always thought myself as someone who welcomes change. And yet this time…
And then I realised, I am tired. I am tired of the cyclical process of restructures.
I love my job. Of course I hate the bureaucracy, the inefficiency, the politics. But I love what we are aiming to achieve.
And I kicked myself that this caused me to reflect. As we get our home ready to go on the market, for no particular reason than we’d like a change, that I am questioning whether I’ve become the person who no longer welcomes change.
This reflection made me realise, I am just tired of change for change’s sake. Ill informed change. Change determined by the person with the loudest voice. Whether I have a job ‘come the revolution’ is to be decided, and I’ve realised I am not in a place to affect this, I do what I do, I think I make a difference, but I am not in possession of the big picture, nor thereafter whether there is a place there for me.
I got home last night, got into my pyjamas, and fell asleep watching the 6 o’clock news.
I’ve had three great days in London. But I’ve missed home.
I think I’ve got the inkling of a cold… so this week. Yep. It’s an easy one: