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On turning forty

On turning forty at Barry Island

As loudly or as quietly as it happens turning forty is something we’d hate to think doesn’t happen to us. And in typing that, there is the reality. My thoughts on turning forty should be something to be celebrated- loudly or quietly- for so many more don’t get the chance.

Turning forty for me has been, well, painless. It’s sort of like every other birthday. But a little bit more celebrated. It’s a round number after all.

Of course my family, my husband, my kids made a ridiculous fuss. Which reinforced how much I dislike people making a fuss. Yes, based on recent experience, there’s a massive element of gratitude, but there’s also an eye kept on the security of the exit sign.Looking at fortyBecause I’ve realised so much, in recent months, through recent experiences, and because of this birthday.

There is comfort and adventure in life, it’s good to have both in a measure which works.

I don’t particularly want to leave Wales. On so many levels it may be a good decision. But the balance of happiness, felt by my family and me should determine our reason to leave.

Some places will result in greater adventure, happiness, willingness- others just might lack appeal.

I don’t need to prove I’m clever to be clever. No amount of external verification can create internal verification. I’m learning so many have internal verification – with and without authentication. 

I need and want to be interested in what I want to learn about to learn. Those who know me, know. I suspect this it the truest thought.

I have so much I want to learn, work doesn’t need to define me, what I’m interested in should. Even if it’s yesterday’s chip papers.

I have so much to be grateful for and to celebrate.

If I’m ever in doubt, I should look back to my 30th. The woman who couldn’t quite believe she was about to reach 12 weeks of pregnancy, and who had no idea what the next ten years would hold.Turning 30Realistically, I achieved enough in my 30’s.

(Yes, you can call it blagging)- I gave birth. I have a daughter. I graduated with an MBA. And I have twin sons. And I started a blog. We moved to South Wales. I started a new job. I started a new blog. I started uni. And I started a new job. I live. And, I think, I decided to drop out of uni. I decided that I don’t want to move from South Wales, regardless. I think.

It’s scary.

What I’ve realised is that everything I wanted in my teens stands.

My psychoanalysis thing that I did during my A-levels stands- I’m a good project manager with strategic thought. I’m capable of proving myself on a daily basis at work.

But I miss things.

And I know what they are.

So. In my forties. Bucket list still to be defined, I want to step up. I want to step up to who I am, not who I think I should be.

I want to demonstrate so many of us are more than who we need to be. We are achieving our hopes to be who we want to be.

Now.

We may not be who we want to be… there… at that aspirational point in the future… but to get there, we’re getting there.

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Sarah | Boo Roo and Tigger Too
    August 29, 2018 at 21:45

    I missed your birthday, I’m a truly awful friend… Forgive me?

    • Reply
      Debbie
      September 2, 2018 at 21:12

      LOL- always. Having a birthday on an August Bank Holiday weekend is up there with having a birthday between Christmas and New Year 😉 xx

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