On Thursday evening, I sat and watched you sleep. I was in wonder.
Of how clueless I was, this time nine years ago.
Of how I had no idea what you would do to our lives.
As parents-to-be, you have hopes and aspirations. Intentions – the best.
As an individual, I overlooked the obvious.
My child would have a personality. Individuality. Hopes and aspirations.
On the 15th March, nine years ago, I had no idea as to whom I was carrying, beyond you being my child.
On the 18th March 2009 you made yourself known as my daughter.
And still, I didn’t understand.
Quickly you made yourself known. Life would be on your terms.
Nine years on, this is our biggest cause of contention.
We both want to live on our terms.
Rarely do we see life in the same light.
And yet, despite every frustration I have with you, and you have with me. I am ridiculously proud.
You stand your ground. And answer back. You can’t cope with injustice.
I am challenged by it, but I find it hard to want a child of mine to be any different.
Sometimes I wish that you were more a mummy’s girl than a daddy’s girl.
But I wouldn’t want the bond you have with your father to be any different.
We clash. Hugely. You make my life difficult. But you are finding your path. Understanding which battles you can win.
And I’d rather you do that with me than anyone else.
You are an amazing sibling. The best and the worst of friends. You love and hate your brothers in equal measure. I won’t tell you, but I remember this feeling well.
You made me laugh so much (inside) when you misunderstood Mr J and I talking the other night. You thought a baby brother was on the cards. Your determination to move out of our home unquestionable. I’m not sure you were convinced that not only can we not determine the gender of a child, but more so mummy is definitely resolved to the value of sleep.
And so, we are here.
Nine years on.
As good birth stories go, we arrived at Calderdale Royal just before 9am, and you were with us at 9.54.
You set our story.
And it’s one of the best.
Happy birthday wonderful girl.
May you always challenge me, and grow to challenge the world.