As I walked yesterday, I decided I wouldn’t let blogging disappear completely. So… whilst this really is a stream of consciousness… this is life right now. Of June.
But when I pledged that I’d make a start with a monthly round up, I didn’t think much further.
So, I opened the laptop, and turned BBC2’s coverage of Glastonbury on, and oh my. What music can open up.
My previous relationship was defined by dates. They seemed desperately important to commemorate the past. I don’t know if it’s more Mr J than me, but the dates have never been important. Maybe, I could say, it’s because we’ve been more intent on looking to the future, I could say, it’s because we’re both lazy. But, I know, for me, celebrating the dates doesn’t make a relationship work, when the relationship’s not working.
But it does mean neither he nor I have any register of the years which have passed, which from time to time is important. You’re wondering where this is going right? This month has been the month I constantly apologise for my papers and emails being full of streams of consciousness…. so, to explain.
The Killers. The Killers were being covered by BBC2. And, oh my, my tears. Hot Fuss. 2004. The time he and I got together. I can’t narrow it down any further. But this was the album which bonded us.
And, because this post has no direction. Apart from this is me. By the Way, Red Hot Chili Peppers, 2002. The album which saw me through the breakdown of my first marriage, Alanis Morisette, Jagged Little Pill, the album which saw me through revising for my A-levels.
My need for music to accompany me doesn’t ease.
And, the reason that this is my stream of consciousness is because this month, like ever other, I have relied on good music (Bastille, Doom Days… although Anchor frequently interferes). This month, because after all this is meant to be my reflection of June… This month, after 18 months, I have been served my notice from work… following the pace of which this is happened, I’m not allowed to leave until the end of the year. But given it’s taken 18 months we should take a moment to appreciate progress.
No more is it felt than Mr J being in Tod this weekend for the second anniversary charity cricket match for Pete Gledhill. A sense of balance is immediately created.
Of those little people, oh wow! Where to even start.
We have the best of times (and the worst!). I flit between those posts on Facebooks which determine the noise you hear from family homes in summer months is ‘motivational speaking’ and deciding against adopting ‘zero-tolerance’ when I read posts about social services arriving at homes where parents shout at their children.
Needless to say we’re all on countdown to the summer holidays.
But what of June?
Seren started football recently and June saw her take part in her first tournament. She couldn’t be more happy.
She continues in her role of daddy’s girl first and people pleaser second. It’s meant she’s really struggled with sports day. But completely thrived in school productions.
Seb is my little brick house. As much as he and Tom want to return to football (if we can find a club which meets on a evening they’re free!), I do think Seb is growing to be better suited to rugby.
And Tom continues to astound me. Somehow this weekend he’s been obsessed with building a boat, which duct tape and all manner of objects he found around the house. He built it to float in the new pool and, despite my questioning of the weight of the objects, it does. You’ve got to love him.
In June we formally received Tom’s dyslexia diagnosis. I have stopped myself typing ‘finally’. I do feel like we’ve written a year of his education off. But cuts to education funding make me struggle to place any blame on the school. I also have found myself falling between the cracks of UK and Wales Government funding when trying to find any accountability. Deep breaths needed… and lots of hugs and support for Tom.
We succeeded in enjoying a fantastic father’s day. I’m not even sure how it happened. But if you were planning a perfect day for all five of us we pretty much nailed it.
And it came after I enjoyed my final night away in a splurge of spending time with friends I haven’t seen forever. Whilst it was only a stone’s throw away in Cheltenham, I may have regretted breaking my commitment to public transport on the journey home.
I also managed to catch up with more ‘familiar’ friends. I have needed it this month as I have relied on sounding boards for what the future could hold. I’m no clearer but at least I know I’m not alone in pondering my thoughts.
It’s fair to say June’s been an odd month. A one step forward two steps back in many ways. But more so it’s been a defining month. I have more knowledge than I did last month. I just need to figure out what to do with it!