Blog, Working mum

Life Lately #6

It was as if I’d been waiting for a perfect time. There wasn’t going to be another Life Lately update until a few things had happened, the planets had aligned.

It’s been taking more than a while for the planets to align. It still hasn’t happened.

And so many times I have wanted to write stuff, but have been put off, “you could, but wait for that one more thing first.” – until you just have to stop.

Because in the last month things are back on course.

The last few weeks I have hated my job with a passion. 

And oddly, I have come to appreciate that this in itself is good.Life LatelyEarlier this year I made a list. I made a list of everything I wanted in a job, realistically. And it turned out the job most closely aligned to it was the one I was doing.

What a wally.

After telling everyone I was taking redundancy, after more than three months of conviction that I was leaving, I had to admit to my boss that actually, if it’s ok really, I’d like to apply for my job.

And it was odd, because the job I then had to apply for was the job I had spent the last six months doing, but not the job from which I was being made redundant.

I placated myself that no-one had got the job in the first round of interviews, no-one who wanted it had been offered it, so I wasn’t taking it from anyone. But how odd would it be that after six months of doing a job that it would come to be that I wasn’t considered able to do the role permanently. Thankfully it turned out ok.

And I truly don’t regret staying.

My job offers so much: personally, professionally, financially.

It offers a work-life balance, and allows one of us to be a stay-at-home parent.

It allows me to be the person I want to be, to not compromise on ethics and values.

But I’ve spent so long hoping that I wouldn’t come to regret my decision, not wanting to admit I had made it,

That I was completely floored a fortnight ago when I became despondent about my job.

I can cope with resistance and negativity, within the organisation or outside the organisation. In fact, I sort of thrive on it, for the best conversations about why and how what we do will make a difference.

It turns out I can only handle one at a time.

And so when faced with both I hibernated.

I began to question things, including my decision.

Opening my daily ‘Guardian Jobs’ emails again.

And then it occurred to me.

I love my job.

But really?

What kind of job exists that you didn’t hate it every now and again?

What kind of perfect was I building myself up to?

How do you build up resistance if your job doesn’t challenge you?

And the truth of it is, in the face of challenge,

My work-life balance has been restored.

We’ve managed to get back to Church.

I look at my lounge and love it again, for it is tidy.

I’ve finally managed to box up all the baby clothes to go up to the attic.

And I’ve spent time with my children.

Life is as is, and we’re living it, with little steps, that sometimes, every now and again, has rhythm. 

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