I’ve been putting off this post in the hope I’ll have something definitive to write.
But in the mean time life hurtles on at a million miles an hour.
We’re sticking to our promise of getting to Todmorden more often.
After spending the New Year there, Mr J and CM went back over half term. We’re all going back for a week over the Easter holidays, and I can’t wait, right now I need some time away.
I also need some time at home. I am desperate to get the house into some form of order instead of tinkering around the edges. It seems a real luxury to take time off work for no other reason than tidying. In my mind annual leave is to be used for time with family. But right now, I think the peace of mind which comes from a trip to Ikea and an organised home may justify it.
I am desperate to sort my office out (again!). I am a hoarder and have so much ‘stuff’. I think it’s time I admitted defeat and start to move things into the attic. But attic space defeats me, it’s surely the same as admitting you’re never going to use things again… so should I really get rid? So of course, to date, I’ve avoided that thought process.
But I am instead dreaming of wooden floors in my uncluttered office. Dreaming of a work surface which stretches across the wall rather than a desk. There may need to be the small matter of saving up involved.
On the children front, well, they are awesome. I know they’re mine and I’m completely biased.
Some things aren’t as straightforward. I think there’s a difficult decision on the horizon, which has been made more difficult than it should have been.
We’ve decided to reclaim our weekends. The odd need to get the children involved in after school activities suddenly became disproportionate to the time we have as a family. And when the children started to get a bit reticent about going to classes I couldn’t be bothered to convince them it was a good idea when I realised we’d be able to spend time together as a family of five as a result.
I’m not sure where I’m now at with after school stuff.
CM has Beavers, which she loves and we’ve never had any problems with her motivation for, and she also has Squash on one evening and one morning of the weekend. The boys now just have swimming lessons.
There is something which makes me think they should be doing more. But I’m not sure anymore, I think their interests need to emerge more. And I think for now I’d much rather keep hold of any semblance of our time, especially as they are all jostling for their role in our family.
And that said, life is so much easier now they are jostling for position. They play so well together and it fills me with love to hear them playing with the Sylvanian families, Playmobil or whatever else is flavour of the day.
And so what next, I guess it’s just more of the same- trying to find our normal.
Making sure the boys first year at school sets them up in a learning environment of which they want to be a part.
For CM it’s finding out more about her, as she grapples with her place at home and in friendship circles.
And for me and him, well a bit of stability would be good. To figure out what we want, to regain and retain a bit of us.