Life seems to lurch from ‘thing’ to ‘thing’.
It would be too dramatic to name a ‘thing’ a ‘crisis’.
As always, just as things are getting on track, or at least appearing to, life throws you a ‘thing’.
You find your plans thrown off course, motivation depreciated, motivation changed.
It is difficult to put things down in writing, because to do so legitimises things, makes it real, and makes it a real factor in my life.
Sometimes things drop in your lap,
And it is something you once wished for.
But it was years ago, and it may not be the right thing now.
Sometimes things happen and you are so happy with the support you can offer to others.
But then something happens.
And compromise comes into play, the requirement to negotiate, the knowledge that you know you are unable to do your best,
But you will find the balance, and it will bear additional stress, people will be better off because of it,
But it still requires contemplation, reconciliation, and unhappiness.
Because this is it.
I love my job.
But it is constantly tinged with unhappiness,
That I am spending more time and vital energies responding to unreasonableness than doing the job I know I love.
It is worst because I have windows,
Windows into the job I love.
Is it time to jump?
To realise the windows will always, from now on, be windows.
That to play a part again would in itself be compromising others.
That to me, moving forward, it will always be different,
It is no longer the fond memory I hold.
So, do I leap?
To greener pastures?
To new challenges?
Because it always comes down to the question: “Is life greener on the other side?”