It’s been more difficult to find a word this week.
Monday I had a really difficult phone call, so I went back to bed and cried.
Tuesday I ranted to my boss about said phone call, got on with work, and sat on a train for six hours.
Wednesday I felt a lot better, I sat in a room with my new colleague and finally understood the challenge which lies ahead.
Thursday was a positive day, although I was told to stop focusing on the plan, as that was for the project team to develop and my role is to develop the detail which will make it happen.
And that was kind of difficult. I chastised myself, damn you Debbie, you fall into the role of project manager, for comfort; you are a control freak, and at the first hurdle, I revert to type.
And then I reserved the right to feel aggrieved… or maybe just petulant. I wouldn’t have felt the need to develop this plan if it existed, I would have had an idea of my role had their been a plan for me to work back from.
And unfortunately, that’s not been the only plan to be developed.
There’s now a reality, in the next seven days I will find out whether I need a career plan beyond my immediate employment.
Whilst I may have planned out the next four months for work purposes, and been asked to understand the next 15.
I have been thinking about finding gainful employment before the next three months expires.
Trying to figure out what expertise I can offer, what transferable skills I might have, by luck rather than design.
And it’s easy to press ‘apply’ for jobs on LinkedIn, I had fun with my ‘fickle finger of fate’ on Monday, applying for a couple of jobs which meet my basic requirements.
But I’m not feeling the security of a plan, nor any personal commitment.
I really need to spend as much time planning my life beyond my current employment as I am planning beyond the scope of the plan I needn’t have planned.
Rebelling, yes. Petulant, yes.
I need a plan.